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Mommy Fail 118 Teaching a kid how to pee

I know my baby is only sixteen months old, but heres the thing: Im sick of diapers.  Shocking, I know.

So, I had a brilliant idea.  I thought, "Lets start potty training!"  Im not going to lie to you because youre good people...potty training at this age is more about training me not to be lazy to be attentive than it is about Little Spaghetti actually understanding the concept of pottying.

I did a little reading about potty training before I started, but all I really learned is that I am not going to refer to my childs urine as "te-te."  People actually say that?  Yes, apparently, they do.

"Pee" or "pee pee" is what we will say in my house, even if my high school English teacher thinks that word is crass.

Anyway, we started the potty training.  Hes actually doing very well.  He sits on the little potty that goes on the big potty (because who wants to clean out those little plastic potties?), he makes a "shhhhh" sound, and then - about 75% of the time - he pees.  After lots of hollering and hugging about how awesome he is (I do the hollering, not him), he grabs a little piece of toilet paper, wipes himself, and pushes it into the potty.  Finally, he gets up, flushes the potty, and claps.

Ive been calling it success, even though the whole charade hinges on me bringing him to sit on the potty approximately every twelve minutes which effectively removes my ability to do anything else in life.

But then, tonight, my dad called.

"Mom was telling me about how the baby goes potty," he said.

"Yeah?" I responded, not being able to figure out why he sounded so weird about it.

"Youre ruining him! Hes going to get beat up when he goes to school! Boys dont wipe for crying out loud!"

So there you have it...thats what you get for letting a woman teach a boy how to pee.

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