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Pop Pole Quiz! What kind of pole student are you

I have been teaching pole dance now for a while. Ive noticed over the years that there are several distinct categories of pole students. So I have designed this little list of pole student categories, for you to determine what type of pole student you are. Study this guide carefully and make your decision.

Maddie studying hard at the Pole Dance Academy.

The Kamikaze

The Kamikaze strikes fear in a pole teachers heart. The Kamikaze appears unconcerned by the concept of gravity.  The Kamikaze has no regard to the fundamental rule of pole: that failure to have the pole wedged firmly into some crevice of your body will mean that you will likely plunge to the ground.

The Kamikaze will nod and agree while the teacher gives firm, clear instructions on how to avoid falling off the pole when attempting a new move. Then, once the teacher steps away, the Kamikaze throws herself gleefully and with reckless abandon at the pole, caring not for her own safety nor that of innocent bystanders.

Fortunately, Kamikaze pole students also seem to be blessed with an uncanny knack for somehow managing to save themselves from face-planting at the last minute. And so they live to Kamikaze pole dance another day.

These students are what Public Liability Insurance was invented for.

Tip: Try to avoid giving your teacher a heart attack by always having at least one arm or leg on the pole at a time.

My artistic interpretation of a Kamikaze. You will note that she has only one hand on the pole, and both her legs are nowhere near the pole. Not recommended.

The Former Jazz Dancer

The Former Jazz Dancer knows that there is dance magic in mathematics. She loves nothing better than a well-counted routine, where each move falls neatly into an 8 count. If you look closely, you can see her mouth moving ever so slightly as she dances, "ONE, two, three, four, FIVE, six, seven, eight..."

Nothing frustrates the Former Jazz Dancer more than a pole teacher who cant count properly. You can spot the Former Jazz Dancer by the exasperated expression on her face at the end of this conversation with her teacher:

Student: "So do we step on 3, or 5?"
Teacher: "Ummm, I dont know... What did I just do?"
Student: "You stepped on 3."
Teacher: "Ok, 3 then."
Student: "But before that, you stepped on 5."
Teacher: "Right... Well, lets just see what happens this time. Ok class, lets take it from the top!"
Student: "Grrrr"

Tip: If you need to count, count! Dance to your own beat. And if your beat is right, and everyone elses is wrong... who cares! Remember that pole dancers usually arent classically trained, so be patient with them :-)

Amber Ray It is thanks to Amber that I now know how to count. Sometimes. Sort of.

The Self Taught Pole Dancer

The Self Taught Pole Dancer is the student who began her pole journey at home, in her living room, running between her X-Pole and her laptop. She is a YouTube and Facebook aficionado, and managed to progress to an impressive level all by herself at home, until eventually succumbing to the pull of her local pole studio.

The Self Taught Pole Dancer is a little overwhelmed in class. She calls all the moves by a different name. She uses her left leg when everyone else uses their right leg. Shes a little freaked out by the noise and craziness of a pole class with 10 other girls, but she loves it!


Tip: Get to a class at least every now and again if you can - youll be amazed at how much easier that tricky moves becomes once youve had someone break it down for you.

Shelle, from Melbourne, getting some tips from her Facebook pole buddies.

The Overly Trusting Student

This student has complete and utter faith in her pole dance teacher. She knows her that her teacher will always be there for her, and will catch her when she falls. But not in the supportive, metaphorical sense. In the literal sense. This student will drop suddenly and without warning, usually out of a painful pole combo, and fully expect to be caught by her teacher.

A good pole teacher will prepare herself for this student by taking off her stripper shoes, getting a mat ready, and adopting a brace position every time the student attempts a painful move.

In Australia, we also call these students Drop Bears.

Tip: Try to give some warning that you are about to drop. Please!

A Drop Bear after attempting a superman for the first time.

The Prodigy

This pole student is a natural born thriller. She gets every new move on her first or second attempt. She feels no pain, and has no fear. Her teachers are simultaneously awe-struck by her ability, and unerved at how quickly she is catching up to them.

This is the student everyone loves to hate. But dont be a hater - love her! She cant help being awesome, and besides, if youre nice to her, she might give you a few tips about that tricky combo youve been working on ;-)

Tip: Keep on being great - and try to stay humble...

The Battler

The Battler is not naturally adept at pole dancing. But she absolutely frickin loves it, and it shows. She is dedicated, hard-working, and though her progress is slow, each hard-won victory is a celebration for her and for her teacher. She has repeated every level at least twice, but she is slowly and steadily getting stronger and more flexible, and is making new discoveries about what she is capable of every day. She may never make it to advanced, but she is going to work as hard as she can to be the very best damn pole dancer she can be.

Im going to put it out there and nominate the Battler as one of my favourite types of student. Go girl!


Tip: Keep at it!!

The Battler at the top of one of the many hills she has conquered. Note her expression of grim determination (it was meant to be a smile but Im not a great drawer)

The "I Cant" Student

This student is firmly convinced that there is something fundamentally different about her body, and believes that the difference makes her physically incapable of certain moves. This belief usually stems from an off-hand comment some doctor or physio made to her a few years ago, which the I Cant Student has taken to heart as gospel. Something like "you know, your hip flexors are tighter than most peoples." As a result, the I Cant Student refuses to accept that anything can be done to change her destiny as the Girl With The Tight Hip Flexors.

As her teacher approaches her, the I Cant Student will grip the pole and say firmly, "I cant do this move." Even if she hasnt even tried it yet. However, with gentle and patient persuasion, the I Cant Student can usually be convinced that she should try at least to refrain from saying "I cant do this move," in favour of saying, "I cant do this move... YET."

Tip: Stay positive - dont create limitations for yourself :-)

The Athlete

The Athlete is the student who has played every sport under the sun. She is strong, flexible, fast, and coordinated. But she cannot for the life of her point her toes, extend her limbs, arch her back or stick her boobs out. She is a little baffled to discover that pole dance may be the one thing she is not a natural at.

You can spot the Athlete because she arrives at her first class wearing trainers and knee-length running shorts. She says couldnt possibly pole dance in heels because she cant even walk in them, let alone dance. In fact, shes not even sure whether she owns a pair.

Tip: Practice working on your sexy at home in front of a mirror when no one is watching.
 

The Good Girl Gone Bad

This is the student who keeps her pole habit a secret from everyone she knows. She can hardly believe she dared to enrol in pole. Shes the quiet one up the back, and is too shy to talk to anyone. She arrives to the studio dressed neatly in a twin set and skirt, and then changes into the cheekiest hot pants in class.

You can tell a Good Girl Gone Bad by the fact that she keeps giggling to herself in class and muttering under her breath "I cant believe Im actually doing this!" Shes a lady on the street and a freak on the pole.


Tip: Keep it up - I love it!

Miss Bunni Lambada. The sweetest pole siren you ever did meet.

The Desperate Housewife

The lovely Yvette doing some housework before pole class.

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